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Dude I've researched this until my brain hurt and what I've come up with, is for me a 6'2" 220 pound male, I can't tell a difference at all, I've asked other smaller, and or older people, and I get mixed answers, some say wel the heavier bullet is loaded hotter so it .ales the gun kick harder, my VP9 on occasion won't lock the slide back after the last shot if I'm using 115ht or smaller. But I've also talked to other that say because of the higher velocity of the lighter rounds it causes more muzzle flip. So my conclusion is that everyone should focus on good shooting fundamentals, and using good techniques (take a training class if you have one available, if not lots of great videos on youtube) and the difference is going to be .outlying In your head, and any real recoil difference is going to be negligible, to the point that if you don't think about you're not really gonna notice.

Id also suggest buying 1 box of a couple different grain weighted bullets and testing them, also have a friend mix load your magazine/cylinder so you don't know which weight your shooting, bet you can't tell a difference. And if you can then get the one that feels lighter.

Thomas, a lighter bullet generally produces less felt recoil with the same powder charge. It boils down to physics and the recoil impulse. Think about it this way, lighter bullets are faster and generally print lower on target because they exit the barrel sooner in the upward recoil process. Heavier bullets generally print higher because they exit the barrel later in the recoil process. Lighter bullets produce a quicker, sharper recoil and recovery comes sooner producing perceive ably less felt recoil. Heavier bullets produce a slower, prolonged recoil and recovery comes much later producing perceive ably more felt recoil. I am a 10mm guy and know this to be true shooting 135gr, 155gr, 165gr, 180gr, 200gr and 220gr Underwood loads. Cheers and stay safe!