Rick, it would easier to suggest something if we knew what kind of gun you were shooting. Semi-auto or pump? Semi-auto will is going to need more kick to be able to cycle. With that being said, it will be tough to find a low recoil load for home defense. If you are using a pump, try these budsgunshop.com/product_info.php/products_id/151716/barnes+20+ga+2-3+4in+3+bk+1140fps+5rd ,
Stay safe & have a great day!

https://libertyarmstn.coreware.com/product/remington-ammunition-20brr3hd-ultimate-defense-20-gauge-2.75-17-pellets-3-buck-shot-5-bx-20-cs is a standard 20 ga load Muzzle Velocity 1140 fps

Hi Rick and welcome. A managed recoil load at 1140 fps in 20ga is here : https://libertyarmstn.coreware.com/product/remington-ammunition-20brr3hd-ultimate-defense-20-gauge-2.75-17-pellets-3-buck-shot-5-bx-20-cs ---- Cheers and stay safe! You could also use a standard load and cut 50% or more recoil with a slip on recoil pad : budsgunshop.com/product_info.php/products_id/122538/allen+15512+recoil+eraser+recoil+pad+medium+black+polymer

all of the reduced recoil 20 ga ammo are loaded with 7.5 8 or 9 shot and will not be very good for home defense I would go with a standard velocity 2 3/4 20 ga budsgunshop.com/product_info.php/products_id/65663/federal+20+ga+2+3+4+20-+pellet+3+buckshot+5rd+box You can add weight to the gun to reduce recoil